The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth

Thursday, October 18, 2012

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I know, therefore I don't



WARNING: This post may or may not include anecdotes about possible side effects of an indecisive nature. These symptoms could consist of second, third, fourth, to the nth power guessing, increased back peddling, and hungry friends who are now angry at you for not being able to settle on a dinner entrĂ©e. Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough to handle impulsive changes of mind.  If your episodic indecisiveness lasts longer than four hours, call your doctor.




I am a bit afraid of commitment.

Wait…

Let me backtrack on that and take you back into time.

So it's been a while since I wrote a post. School, work, the whole trying to create your identity while I still have a few months of college, yadda, yadda, yadda. But tonight I didn’t have too much going on, so I decided, hey why not write tonight? So there I was. At the keyboard, fingers poised, mind ready, Doritos within grasp. Then nothing. For about 20 minutes. Blinking cursor…

It wasn’t your typical writer’s block. I have plenty to talk about. Problem was more on deciding what to talk about.

Ok back to current time. My mind tends to race which if left unchecked evolves into a snarling yarn ball of ups and downs sprawling in every direction that only a kitten on crack would dare touch.

It does not discriminate against any issue, big or small. It is hilariously funny or pathetically ironic that picking what combo I want in the drive thru gives me the same type of anxiety that questions my involvement in a romantic relationship right now.

I think the answer to both of those issues is I just like having an out. I don’t like commitment, for me there is security in keeping my options open. Whether for fast food or dating.

Yet I can’t straddle both sides. Trust me, I have tried.  Typically it ends with me trying to blend two opposites that are basically water and oil. Yeah, doesn’t end well.

But why do I keep doing it? Why do we keep doing it? I am well aware I am not the only conflicted soul out there. The state of affairs in just about everything in the world supports this fact.

It is my humble opinion that there is always one unwavering constant in a sea of indecision: a constant out.
 For those of us who do not enjoy taking too many risks, we cling to a splattering of back up plans and options. While being cautious is a virtue, being a captive of fear is not.

The fear of the unknown binds us to never committing to anything, even if it is worth the risk. You can insert this model into any aspect of life: from deciding which shoes to wear or where to go to grad school.

We want the buffet of life, when many times we can only get an item a la carte.

But as I try to enjoy the fruits of my decision making, I relish in the fact that more times than not, my gut intuition is a pretty good GPS on the road of life. There is a reason why our stomachs are called “our second brains”.

I will end this post with a nugget of invaluable information that a wonderful friend passed along to me concerning my chronic uncertainty. I try to remember it whenever I am dwelling too long in a fickle pickle:

Defecate or get off the pot.

2 comments:

  1. This is a hilarious post, and I can co-sign on several aspects of it.

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  2. I am soooo with you on this. I would have to say within the last year or so, I've really decided to wade in the pool of risk-taking and now I'm swimming my way further into the deep end. It's scary yet cathartic all at the same time. It's okay to be cautious--because that is our sixth sense kicking in. However, sometimes we have to take a deep breath and realize that always being cautious will not get us to where we want to be. In fact we have to be risk takers otherwise no one else will help us get to where we want and need to be. Whether it be commitment to a relationship or taking on a new business venture. You only get one life to live, so do it now and don't focus on pass regrets. Don't focus on that blinking cursor! Go out there and be the amazing BGN you were created to be!

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